If you are looking for Team Rubicon, click here
This blog exists only as an archive. It is a journal that serves as a window into my life as a Marine combat veteran serving in Iraq and Afghanistan; it was written with no filter, no politics and no agenda. Please feel free to follow my journey from beginning to end. Welcome to my life.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Bombs Away

So today I go to the gym with my workout crew.  We spend the better part of an hour doing a workout that makes all three of us want to throw up.  At one point I moved to the door thinking it was actually going to happen.  It didn't.  We 'manned up' and powered through.

After gathering ourselves on the floor of the gym for a few minutes, we decide to start walking back to the barracks.  So we're walking and talking about how I'm the only one in the group who has yet to get a muscle-up (if you don't know what one is, just let me say, they suck).  My buddy Tim makes a joke about how he's going to start a blog and call it "Muscle Up Quest- Jake Wood's struggle to join the club".  We're laughing about that when I walk under a telephone pole.

Somewhere up above me, a conversation takes place-

Bird 1- "I bet you $50 bucks you won't crap on that tall dude's shoulder"
Bird 2- "Double it and not only will I do it once, I'll do it twice, and did I mention I ate a week old burrito for breakfast?"
Bird 1- "Deal"

So there I am, trying to explain how I'm going to join the muscle-up club on Monday, still a little nauseaus from the workout, and I get this warm splat-splat-splat on my shoulder, then my forearm, then my leg.  I instantly know what it is.  I'm not sure I've ever been crapped on by a bird, but once you feel the sensation, you don't even have to look and you know.

I looked down and started to lose whatever was in my stomach.  Needless to say, I was on a street corner on the middle of a Marine base, MAKING A SCENE.  I only had about 100 more yards to go to get to my room, but the whole time was spent lamenting my luck and trying to hold down lunch.


  1. Part of the fun of reading your blog is you are not afraid to poke fun at yourself even though you are obviously a thoughtful young man, in a very serious business. I appreciate that. There you are, the invincible soldier, being all sissy-like covered in bird poop. It's such a funny mental image I just had to LOL. Thanks for the laugh today. :)

  2. Yeah, I'm sure your friends will let it slide. Sure they will.

  3. lol Remo said to come see your blog and glad he did. : )

    I am with Remo ... they will let it slide. pfft : p


  4. Here via Remo. Sorry about your shitty luck;)

    But on a serious note, thanks for serving!

  5. Well...unfortunately I have had the experience. I know exactly what you mean! Not very fun...Sorry you had to experience that...

  6. I'd like to follow you but I can't. I'd be too distracted. Nothing personal it's the war lobbyist monger sadistic rich hawks that put you in harm's to use you for fodder. It's personal for them, you're just the ammo and very ill used. Patriotism isn't part of this, the obscenity of war is. http://cathy-daretothink.blogspot.com/

  7. Jake, I'm so glad you're back safe. I missed you. Prayed for you a lot. I know you don't know me, but a heck of a lot of people think fondly of you. You guys are awesome. And WAY too smart to be used by anyone. The aging hippy is stuck back in the 60's. God forbid she gets distracted from her misery.

  8. Bird crap. Got splattered on one day after a grease line blew up on me -- full of red grease. I kept looking for something to brop blue on me to go with the red grease and white bird shit... Never did.

    Thanks for your service, enjoy reading the log to follow you and your fellow Marines. Glad to hear you were stocked up on books too.

  9. Don't let the hippy get to you, people who have never served would never understand....

    Thank you and all of your brothers for all the sacrifices, including being the target dummy for some birds...even they have to do their time on the practice range!

  10. THANK YOU !! Remo sent me and I am glad he did!

  11. Ah Jake...the visuals are just too funny! But I still want to know what a "muscle up" is....

  12. In some places, a bird crapping on you is considered good luck - kind of like being chosen - special. I know, it is still just crap. The fact that you hurled, is truly funny. I'm sure all of the passers by just thought you had worked out too hard.

  13. LOL.

    Being stationed at Camp Lejeune renders a Marine immune to the effects of bird bio attacks.

    Or at least it did back when I was there in the long ago. You couldn't make it through the chow line without getting hit by a dive bombing sea gull.

  14. I hate to see you over there. My cousin is over there too for his 3rd time. Maybe you know him? Richard Britton but they call him Dicky! I love reading about over sea's and what is really going on that the news don't let you know or see.

    May God bless you and keep you safe! You are a truely a HERO to me!


  15. I'm not sure which is worse - being crapped on by a bird or cathy in her message above...

  16. owr084--Cathy would fit really well in the Hippie Crowd at Hate Ashbury back in 68-69. OOOps, I don't think her parents ever left the late 60's.

    Jake--had a bird give me the fly-over drop right on the center top of my head many years back. Believe me it didn't give me any better luck so that's one myth shot down.

    Hope your Thanksgiving Day was one filled with loving family and friends and LOTS OF FOOD.